Finally
by musicsnob357
Summary: Cal lets it slip to a sad Gillian that he loves her.


Cal slowly walked the halls of his building, turning off the lights in the lab, in his office, and in all the other rooms. His head was full of unwelcome thoughts this evening… Well, he'd been thinking the same thoughts since the week before, when Emily had bluntly asked the question: "Do you love her?"

He hadn't answered her truthfully at first, in hopes that she would drop it. But of course, she knew him too well. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at Gillian—pure love and adoration.

Could Gillian see it too?

It had been many, many years since he'd first been one of her patients. He had been so young then, and married, and dreadfully unhappy. Meeting Dr. Foster gave him a breath of fresh air. She was so refreshingly open, so fragile… so beautiful. He wasn't one to trust easily, but almost immediately after he met Gillian he trusted her. She was just one of those people who could reach out and squeeze your heart inside your chest.

Immediately he'd loved her. He wasn't unfaithful to his wife physically or mentally, but he loved Gillian in a way that made him want to protect her no matter what. She was his sanity and his humanity.

How had he gone on all these years and never told her that? It had to be written on his face every time he looked at her.

"Pull yourself together," he growled angrily at himself.

He was at Gillian's office now. Of course she'd left her lights on, too. He walked in, looking at the picture frames hanging on the wall. There was a picture of the two of them. He had his arm around her, so easily. So close… yet so far.

He turned when he heard a sniffle and a raspy laugh. From what he could see, there was no one else in the office. Yet he was sure he'd heard something.

He walked over to her desk and peered over it.

Sure enough, there was Gillian, sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest. She was munching on some rice cakes—gross—and watching a soap opera on her laptop.

"Gill?"

Gillian jumped and looked up at him, wide-eyed. It was obvious that she had been crying. "Oh, Cal! I didn't know you were here. What are you doing here?"

"Haven't been able to sleep much recently. What's wrong, love? Are you hurt?"

She smiled that dazzling, genuine smile and said, "No, I'm fine. Just watching some TV."

"Most people can do that sort of things in their own homes."

She made some sort of noncommittal gesture and attempted to turn back to her TV show. Her pursed lips and fixed expression made him sure that she was hiding something from him. He wanted to respect her privacy—but that, of course, wasn't in his nature.

Cal sat immediately next to Gillian… so close that he could feel heat spread from her body to his—or was he just imagining that?

He closed her laptop and touched her face. She didn't turn her head. He slowly stroked her cheek with his thumb, and after a moment, a tear fell from her eye. "You don't want to tell me about it, eh?"

She smiled, a weak, defeated smile, and said: "I'm not sure if I should."

"Why's that?"

She did turn to face him now, her eyes wide with fear and guardedness. "Cal, sometimes you just overreact to things. And as much as I love sharing—" she let out a groan—"_everything_ with you, sometimes there are just things that are too humiliating to tell you…"

He doubted that this angel could ever do anything to embarrass herself. Cal could feel his protective nature spiking, as well as his nosy nature. "You did something embarrassing?"

"Not me, exactly." She read his face and more tears slipped from her eyes. "Please don't do this. I'm dealing with it fine."

"Dealing with what?" He could see that she would give no answers, so he studied her face, and wracked his brain to try and understand what she wouldn't say. "Someone did something to you—something that you find embarrassing?" A small jolt of rage went through him. Her face said yes, as did the tears that came when he said that. "What happened, darling? Tell me."

He cautiously slipped his arm around her and pulled her closer. She accepted, leaning into his chest and putting a hand on his knee, which he didn't fail to notice. "It was just a date that went badly. That's all."

Cal wiped her tears and said, "I can tell that isn't all, and you know it."

She took in a shaky breath. "Oh, it's so stupid, Cal! I invited him in… since it's storming so badly, I just thought we could talk until it cleared up enough for him to drive home. And of course… he got the wrong impression… and he started kissing me. I told him that I wasn't really ready for that, and he…" She cut off, shaking her head and choking on her words.

"What did he do to you? Are you hurt?" he growled.

"No, that's why I'm saying, it's so stupid. He pushed me down onto the couch, and he touched… he touched my breasts, and ripped my shirt a little bit… but I got away after that. I locked myself in the bathroom. He wouldn't leave, so I crawled out the window and came here. Nothing terrible happened, I'm just being childish."

Cal mumbled something like "filthy sonofabitch" under his breath, but not loud enough so that Gillian could be sure. "Why do you keep going out with these scumbags, love? You deserve so much better!"

"I can't seem to find any better, Cal."

"So you just settle for that dirt?" He couldn't help it, he was shouting a little bit. "Why go out with them at all! Just stay home! Someday you'll find someone who will treat you right! Someone who will hold you, who will love you, who will be able to make you happy all the time! Someone who understands you and has similar interests and loves you more day after day. Someone who thinks you're astoundingly beautiful. Someone who loves you laugh, loves your beautiful eyes, appreciates you for exactly who you are!"

She laughed a little hollowly and then says quickly, "It sounds like you're talking about someone specific!"

"I am, dammit!" It came out without Cal being able to stop it. He was on a tangent and then all of the sudden… there it was. His words caught in his throat and he froze, as did Gillian. They sat there, still and silent, for minutes or hours or days. It seemed like forever.

"I'm sorry," he whispered finally.

She still did not move for several moments. Then finally, she looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears. "Cal, how could you not tell me? Didn't you know?"

"Know what, love?"

"That I have loved you since you asked me to work for you," she said breathlessly. "You know _everything _about me—didn't you see that?"

What was she saying? Cal's heart beat quickly in his chest. "No… I didn't."

"And you…?" She cut off, shaking her head and sitting up.

"And I love you, too." He whispered. "I have loved you since I met you."

Saying those words felt like Cal was opening up his chest and letting Gillian poke around inside with a scalpel. He felt so vulnerable, but he knew that was how it had to be.

More tears from Gillian. He didn't want to see her in pain. But these seemed to be tears of elation.

They sat, evaluating each others faces, until Cal lifted his hands and cupped Gillian's chin. "I love you," he said again, feeling the words in his mouth, and then he leaned in and kissed her.

Of course, they had kissed once before. It had been fake—or so it had appeared. This time was so much better, knowing how each other felt. She tasted so sweet, so young, so tender. He moved his mouth against hers gently at first, testing the waters. She was the first to press harder, to ask more of him. He opened his mouth slightly and pushed his tongue into her mouth, circling her tongue and sighing into her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved closer to him.

Cal wanted every part of her—_now. _But Gillian was frail, and he knew he had to be mindful of that, too. He pulled her onto his lap, so that she was facing him with her legs on either side of his hips. She could feel his erection resting against her pants, and it was no surprise to her that that turned her on.

Gillian had imagined this happening so many times. There were countless nights when she'd stayed late at the office just because he was staying late, too. So many times she'd dressed up hoping that he would notice. And now it was finally happening. She tangled her hands into his hair, begging him for more. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled tighter against his erection.

"Are you okay with this, love? We can go slower."

"NO, Cal," she said a little to forcefully. "You have no idea how love I've wanted this."

With an animal-like growl, Cal attacked her lips with his. His tongue pushed into her mouth, battling with her tongue. He bit her lower lip, and then kissed her cheek, her neck, her chest, until he was at her shirt. Without hesitating, he removed her shirt, and continued to kiss downward. He had reached around and unclasped her bra before he was down to her breasts, and the bra fell to the floor. He groaned at the sight of her, and that sound turned her on even more.

He admired for only a second before taking one of her nipples into his mouth. He circled gently with his tongue, and then more aggressively, making her moan louder than she ever had. He bit, a little too hard, and she shouted, "Cal!"

He laughed against her breast, something that made her insides clench with pleasure. He grabbed her other nipple with his hand and gently pulled. This continued for mere seconds—sucking and pulling, until Gillian was sure she was going to orgasm already. She had just begun moaning when Cal withdrew from her breasts and said, "Darling, we haven't even got started yet."

Gillian groaned as he laid her on the floor and pulled her pants off with more skill from experience than she cared to think about. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes as the cool air hit her in all the right places. Two of Cal's fingers slipped into her, and she felt like screaming. He kissed up the inside of her thigh, sucking slowly, his whiskery chin tickling in just the right way. He found just the right spot with his fingers and began to probe ever so gently.

Gillian arched her back and moaned loudly. Cal increased his speed. Gillian could feel the pressure building inside her, and she looked at him. He looked back at her, his eyes dilated and full of pure, burning desire. She was sure that she had the same look on her face. He smiled quickly and then plunged his tongue into her, and then sucking at the same spot he'd just been with his fingers.

Gillian screamed as her orgasm wracked through her body—more powerful than any orgasm she'd ever had. "Scream my name, darling," Cal whispered, and she obliged. There was no other name she'd rather scream.

His mouth and hands left her, and she ached for him. She looked to see him pulling off his shirt and pants with haste. She couldn't believe that just by the sight of him, so eager for her, she was already ready to come again.

He lowered himself on top of her, kissing her neck again, sucking on the side of her breast, breathing on her heavily. "Gillian," he whispered.

"Cal!" She snapped. "I need you, _now!_"

He didn't hesitate. He plunged inside of her, filling her in every way possible. She screamed again, and wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in as far as he would go. He slammed into her, again and again, his eyes ablaze with desire. "Oh my God," she panted. He slowed his pace into a gentle and patient speed. He looked at her, and behind the lust, she saw love. Strong love. It made her want him even more… it made her want him forever. He held her head as he gathered speed again, pumping into her, groaning into her ear.

He let out a growl as he came inside of her, and she came shortly after. Then he laid on top of her, his head on her chest, still inside of her. Then after a short while, he sat back up. He lifted her off the ground, slipped his shirt back on, and cradled her in his arms. They both blinked up at her office… so bright and plain.

He whispered into her ear, "I'm never letting you go."


End file.
